Throughout my dating experience, I had never had to deal with a "real" break up, until now. I have a few boyfriends off and on during high school which usually just ended in us not talking as much and moving on with life as if nothing had happened or changed. It was easy. The longest and most serious relationship I have been ended in him going on a mission, but it never really ended. We have been and still are on good term, we write often and do our own thing. If it works, it works; if not, it wasn't meant to be. But he is still gone and it is still unknown. I was recently in a relationship with a wonderful guy. He was caring and loyal, his family is so accepting and all so loving. His friends are super fun to be around. He has a great job, RM and is almost done with school. Perfect situation right? I thought so too but something just wasn't right. Still, I don't know what that "something" is but I knew that I just needed a break from relationships for a bit and I needed to focus on myself and my personal needs and wants for the near future. So I ended things. It was hard. I didn't want to but I knew that I needed to for some reason, and I did. Break ups suck. It sucks not having a person to run to, to talk to, to share exciting news with, to eat dinner with, to laugh with, to cuddle with. It would be nice just to say never mind and take it back. To call him, to have him again and to hang out but that is not an option right now. I know I need to stick this one out and focus on other important aspects in my life right now. The lord has something in store for me, I know it and I need to find out what that is without having other "voices" around having such a big influence on my decisions.
This song has been running through my mind throughout this experience:
"I Almost Do"
I bet this time of night you're still up
I bet you're tired from a long hard week
I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window
Looking out at the city
And I bet sometimes you wonder about me
And I just want to tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you
And I wish I could run to you
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do
I almost do
I bet you think I either moved on or hate you
'Cause each time you reach out there's no reply
I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say hello to you
And risk another goodbye
And I just want to tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you
And I wish I could run to you
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do
I almost do
Oh we made quite a mess, babe
It's probably better off this way
And I confess, baby
In my dreams you're touching my face
And asking me if I want to try again with you
And I almost do
And I just want to tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you
And I wish I could run to you
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do
I almost do
I bet this time of night you're still up
I bet you're tired from a long hard week
I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city
And I hope sometimes you wonder about me
